Another month, another challenge under my belt. But not really.
I said I would be honest, and I am. I really do want to change my life for the better and be able to tell Houdini that I’ve done things, so here’s the awful truth: This challenge was total bust.
It seemed so easy too: Take 30-45 minutes to switch off your mind, concentrate on your breathing and relax. Yeah, with a baby who doesn’t want to be put down, a husband who’s tired after work and my parents’ little side comments? Not to mention the guilt trip I’m putting myself through because depression doesn’t really care about the Trans30. Also, scheduling Yoga Nidra during a baby’s 3rd month and doing Blogging 101 was definitely not a good idea for me.
This month wasn’t a total waste though, because I did learn a few things about myself.
- I stress out too much by blaming myself all the time.
- I blame myself because I don’t share responsibility, good or bad.
- My passive-aggressive ways need to go.
- I have trust issues.
- I can’t even relax in the shower. What the heck? That was my go-to when I was pregnant!
These things aren’t a revelation per say (except for number five) because I’ve known about my problems for a long time. However, this is the first time that I’ve seen them for what they are in my own family setting. I need to address issues like these because a) I’m not a teenager anymore, even if I am still living with my parents and b) This kind of thing could really ruin a kid. Though Houdini will undoubtedly have her own personal neuroses to deal with, I don’t want them to be because of my own.
The thought of putting my brain on hold for at least thirty minutes still holds a lot of appeal. I’ll still be trying it out, but at least now I won’t have the added pressure of having to do it every day. It’s so easy to burn out as a new mommy, and realizing that I can’t even breathe freely even when I’m taking a shower just reinforces that. From now on, I’ll be making a conscious decision to relax while sudsing up.
I also thought over my process a little bit more. I’ll be putting the random selection to rest for a while. As much as I don’t want to use up all the easy ones first, my first priority is Houdini and I’m still getting the hang of this mommyhood thing. I’ll be doing my selection tonight, then I’ll start posting every Monday for four weeks. Hopefully, keeping track in that way will yield better results.
Do you have trouble relaxing? Tell me what you do to stay wrinkle-free!